You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
