I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
