singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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