Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
