I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
