I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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