we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
