i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
