I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
