i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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