You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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