last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
