Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
