there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
