better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
