Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
