Your tits are I can't wait for
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
