so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
someone owes me an orgasm
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
