I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
