WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
