so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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