dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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