3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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