He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
