I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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