Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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