It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
love makes seman taste better
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
