She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
