I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
