The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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