I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
