Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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