What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
