i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
