Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
