Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
