whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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