If i come over, it means nothing
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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