I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
