this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
