No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize