so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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