Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
