Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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