I need help removing her.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
