guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
