Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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