Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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