I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
