A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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