Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
