He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
