You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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