I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
