Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
