the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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