you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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