FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
