areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
