I just saw a hot homeless man
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
