Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
