youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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