i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
