Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
