Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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