I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
