i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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