Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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