I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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