Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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