my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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