i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
