I'm so fucking centered right now
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
