Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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