things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
