he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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