She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
