she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
