we're blogging at a bar
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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