Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
