I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
