She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
