I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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